Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
