Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
