didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Drake has all the answers
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
