i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
