took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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