I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
