i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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