I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize