took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
