neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
