I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just want nice things and good sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
