there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
