why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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