okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
