Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Four minutes until I can fart!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
