my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
