no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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