There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
