Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
