I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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