Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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