At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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