i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
