No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
