I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
