So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
