the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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