My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
