i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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