turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
