dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
