I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
