I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
