chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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