His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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