@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
