When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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