I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
