put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
