Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
