Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
