I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
