Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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