I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
