I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
