some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
