I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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