I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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