If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
