Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
