so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
