if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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