i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize