All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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