Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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