We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
