i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
