this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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