Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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