We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize