ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
