whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
