Having a random hookup so left but love u
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
