...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
