i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
