So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize