why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
