Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
