I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
