New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize