mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im having a threesome with these popsicles
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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