Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
