Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
