I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it hurts more in the daytime
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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