Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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