It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
