I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
