Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
