I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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