I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
