I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
