I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize