My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
