if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
