im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
