when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
