i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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