you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
