I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
