from now on my penis is your penis
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
